I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?