Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades