Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.

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(517): View more from Michigan

he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

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(815): View more from Illinois

grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(253): View more from Washington

For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

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(416): View more from Toronto

he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup

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(443): View more from Maryland

He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...

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(818): View more from California

look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it

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