i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?