All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.