well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
