I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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