but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.