Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink