dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"