im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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