Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize