Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.