all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...