dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.