heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast