The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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