you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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