drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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