ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
