Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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