what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Drake has all the answers
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
