even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
