would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Enjoy the penises
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
