I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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