She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
