One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
