he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
