I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
