you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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