they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
