I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i will never coherently bang her
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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