Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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