that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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