just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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