you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
