I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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