finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
