bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
