his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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