I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
