His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
