david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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