so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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