you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
