i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
