her vagine was all disorganized.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
