Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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