The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
