I bet he comes in French.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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