i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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