i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
