I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
