Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
