I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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