quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
