just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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