what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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