I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
