There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
