I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
