he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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