I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
