dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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