I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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