i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
