I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
