somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
