FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
