I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
