I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
