I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
