you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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