OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
