True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
50% drunk capacity currently
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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