There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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