Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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