I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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