Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
