I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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